Evolutionary science gives us a plausible explanation for the fact that women tend to stick together less likely than men. However, it is not inevitable that women are at war with each other.
No, I don’t think an independent woman necessarily needs to follow a career instead of motherhood. I don’t believe an independent woman doesn’t need a man and a relationship, but what an independent woman can do instead of other women, is to be supportive toward other women.
Let me explain: It is no secret that most women don’t like each other that much. The best explanation so far I heard regarding the tension between women is that women compete with each other for men. I met many women in my life and I recognized there are two types:
- The first type of woman desperately chases men. In fact, everything she does is try to impress men. She gains all her confidence by being with a man. She can have a career, and she can claim she is a feminist, but deep down she is desperate for a man. These women always show great hatred toward other women. They gossip, they defame and surely they never stick to other women.
- the second type has a feminist spirit, which doesn’t mean she necessarily must be a feminist but that her life is not about finding or being with a man but to take responsibility, being happy, and being virtuous. She is an independent woman and thus she has no reason to be hateful toward other women.
Evolutionary seen, all women are competing with each other for men but it is our choice what we do with that. I, for my part, do not consider myself a feminist, but I always stick to the sisters.
Unfortunately, I can’t say the same for other women.
A few days ago, I had a heated debate with a friend of mine, who was unbelievably unfair toward another woman. The reason for her disgust: That woman, she doesn’t like is desired by the man she loves.
Now, what happened is that we heard rumors about sexual harassment, committed by the man my friend loves. The victim was the girl she is jealous of.
Now, in all my life I never heard so many sexist comments at once, because my friend argued:
“But they had sex before, how can he sexually harass her?”
“I saw her a few days after it supposedly happened, she didn’t seem sad or traumatized”
“She is just using his feelings to make her feel better and now she starts drama for attention”
…
The shocking part here is, that my friend herself had a bad experience with the guy she loves and yet she defends him when another woman supposedly raises charges against him. Classic move from first-type women: They have gravitated toward the bad boys, and that is often a sign of their low confidence.
Now, why were her statements sexist?
Her first statement says just because a woman had sex with a man before, he can use that as an excuse to sexually harass her or even rape her? This is the same argumentation that was used in the past to justify rape within marriage. A woman can like a man sexually, but still don’t want sex with him in certain situations. A woman can like a man and lose attraction for him later on (as I heard that was the case in the situation my friend and I argued about). A woman can have a one-night stand with a man, she doesn’t find attractive due to alcohol, which doesn’t mean she ever wants to have sex with him again. Many men use that as an excuse for harassment and abuse, however, and as you see some women even support them.
The second statement claims a woman can only have experienced something traumatic or bad when she cries about it. Does a woman need to fake cry, make herself look weak and like the poor little girl, to be treated fairly and to be believed? Perhaps, a woman can process better when she shows fewer feelings, or she pushes things away and only later they come back to her and change her mood. Or she is actually doing fine but the things she experienced were still scary in the situation.
And the last statement is of course very common. Women are all about drama. Well, but sometimes the things we have to endure are actually pretty damn dramatic and the funny thing here is that my friend has absolutely no evidence to claim her female enemy just uses the love of her life, she has no reason to believe she makes drama, especially when she said before that she is acting as she usually does, and thus couldn’t have experienced something bad since you need to see the trauma in someone’s face when they experience something bad.
It is very funny because all evidence speaks against the man she loves actually.
You see that women can’t make it right for society, they have to justify themselves for everything, even when they are the victims.
Another shocking part here is, that as women our greatest enemies are other women.
This is my solution:
We need to strengthen the cohesion between women, by giving them a responsibility they share and that forces them to stick together. You see man, were always taught to stick together because they went to war with each other. The Spartans even encouraged their male soldiers to be romantically and sexually involved with each other because they believed, this way they will be more willing to sacrifice themselves for each other.
Now, women need to stop sitting at home and drinking coffee together. Instead, they need to learn to take responsibility together. Perhaps, we need conscription for women. They could be “forced” to participate for one year in sanitary duties and work together with other women, they shall be given tasks that they need to solve together. This will teach them that they do not always need a man to help them, but that sometimes they can also ask other women.
It is also important to increase resilience in women so that they stop chasing bad boys to feel “protected” and act hatefully toward other women. I believe a woman, who is mentally strong prefers a man who is the hero and not the bad guy and with whom she can build her life with and not for him.
As girls life can be hard. Some men hate us, and some women hate us even more. But there are people out there who have the second-type spirit and it is on us to raise our daughters to be second-type women, independent women, better women.
